a 4-day old new dad

At T-1 week:

• Prepping the nursery - tick
• Attending theory and practical lessons - tick
• Reading up the generous sharings by interest groups - tick
• Buying waterproof cot protector, bath tub, miscellaneous items - tick
• Booking confinement nanny and 'jamu' masseur - tick

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Then baby arrived! 

Hi mommy, I feel clean now after changing nappy, hehe

Prior, we thought we were ready and just playing the waiting game. But when baby is finally in our arms... we felt so helpless! Unfamiliar with how to handle/carry a newborn - how to change diapers - how to swaddle - how to latch on - the list goes on. It feels as if you have studied all the theory but suddenly when you find yourself needing to hands-on in a chemistry lab - and the theory comes to naught. Fortunately, TMC offers really great service and child care. The newborns are placed in a nursery where general care and injections are given, and they are brought over to their mommies every 3 hours for feeding. When you are done, just press the red button and the nurse will return the newborns to the nursery. No worries about shower, dirty nappy or crying baby! XD

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We stayed in hospital for 2 nights. Meals were served. Bedsheets were changed. Bathroom was cleaned. Heck, there was even HBO HD on TV. I joked that actually the stay feels like a staycation! However on the day of discharge, we felt like we were thrown into the ocean to survive by ourselves. Who's gonna change dirty nappies? Shower her? Coax crying baby? Do we figure out bf all by ourselves? 

Fortunately, we had hired a CL. She was of such great help we felt baby will be in very good hands. PHEW~~ we need more transition time, less steep learning curve.

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Friends who advise you to attend all the lessons on prenatal, delivery and childcare you can. However, I feel that the majority of the content focuses on what the mother should do, what to expect, how to care for the kid. The education lacks emphasis on the other parent aka dad... here are my humble Paternal tips, from a 4-day old new dad:

1. Be a pillar of strength for your wife, both physically and mentally

Your wife is extremely exhausted. Immensely. Imagine being in labour for so long and going through all the torment and excruciating pain for HOURS? After delivery, she needs to minimize activity and rest in bed. Feeding baby every 3 hours (if on bf) is definitely be physically taxing and draining for her. Undesired post-natal blues may kick in and add on to mommy's stress and depression. 

During this time, as a new dad you need to be the brains, hands and legs for 3. 

Think of what you need to do and plan ahead, so you don't get flustered when things happen. Be a SNAG. Be sensitive and provide emotional support towards your wife. She will be struggling with latching, and may even find routine tasks like walking and bowel movements challenging. Assure she is doing great job, hug her often, offer to run errands. Be a pillar of support so your wife knows you are reliable and can be counted on. Offer her massages for her shoulders and arms and she will appreciate you more :)

So, keep yourself healthy and fit. I took Vit C supplements almost daily for the last 6 months and I must say the immunity boost really helped.

WARNING: Do not comment negatively on your wife's physical appearance/figure or how haggard she may look.

2. Book CL and Jamu masseur early

Side tip - know your acronyms and technical jargons =)

CL - Confinement Lady
Jamu - Traditional Malay massage (said to help mom detox and regain figure)
LC - Lactation Consultant
Bf - Breastfeed
EDD - Expected Delivery Date
Episiotomy, epidural, mucus plug, colostrum, etc etc.

Please, please book your CL and jamu early. That's of course if you have decided on hiring their services. I booked my CL about 6 months in advance and jamu about 3. You may book the latter later as jamu typically lasts for 7-10 days and hence the availability of jamu may be more flexible.

CL

I am all hands up for getting a CL. A full time CL. If your mom or in-law wants to help, make sure they are full time and not part time basis. Reason is because as new parents, you have a very steep learning curve and you definitely need a lao jiao to hands on.

You can opt for word of mouth, friend recommendations or forums; or if you are more kiasee, you can always go for more professional and credible CL via establishments and agencies like Thomson Medical and PEM. Freelancers are more affordable (based on 3 quotations for 2015, it is $2,500 for 28 days). Most are Malaysian aunties in their 40s or 50s.

How to decide whether the CL is for you:

- What is included in their scope of work? Does she do night feed, cooking for dad included, washing of whose clothes? Better ones are those who will sleep with baby in the same room and only brings baby to mommy if baby is hungry.
- Pro bf or pro formula? If you decide to bf, you may not like it if CL keeps discouraging you against it.
- Years of experience
- Converse over the phone with her. Like an interview, you can get quite a good sense of the person when you are in a conversation with her. Of course, do an online search to look out for other's opinions, past history and whether the CL has any quirks or habits.

Side tips:
- Once you confirm with the CL, she may ask for a 20% deposit. If you don't, they are likely to take up another sincere offer - you will then have to face a last minute rush to engage another CL
- Bet you didn't know - a Work Permit is required to engage the services of a CL. Apply for one via MOM website (pre-requisites apply).
- Take note that Malaysians are not allowed to stay for extended periods in Sg. They have a 60/90 day rule which states they must be in M'sia for not less than 1 month within a 3-month period (please correct me if I am wrong). This may disrupt their schedule. Clarify with them when it is nearer your baby's EDD so you avoid any inconvenience (bet you didn't know v.2).

Jamu masseur

The malay lady will do a house vist and massage mommy's tummy area with medicine/herbs. Each session is about an hour to an hour half. Thereafter, mommy will be wrapped up tightly in an oily film, and is expected to wear it for an extended duration (e.g. half a day?). The tightness is said to help the womb recover, for the body to absorb the herbs and firm up the tummy area. Medical professionals advise that jamu is not necessary but if you do, only engage reliable masseurs. And heed that their medicine are not clinically proven and must not be ingested.

I engaged mine via my friend's, JX, recommendation. That JX has regained her figure quite quickly is the best living testimony!

3. Be prepared to spend - more than you expect

As soon as you are planning for a baby, you may begin researching for recommended gynae, hospital charges, room rates and doctor's fees. The comparison of every G and private hospitals can be readily found online. Undoubtedly, G is more affordable but the belief is that private doctors offer more personalized and professional help. As a guide, for natural birth and default two-night stay at TMC, our bill amounted to about $6k+. Epidural will cost about $800 more. Fortunately, you may use Medisave to reduce the total bill by up to $2k.

A list of the huge ticket items:
- Hospital bill = $7,000 (before Medisave of $2k) (may go up to $10-$12k if Caesarean delivery is required)
- CL = $2,500
- Jamu = $500-$700
- Stroller = $200-$400
- Car baby seat = $100-$200
- Baby cot = $400
- Breast pump, sterilizer, milk bottles etc = $350
- Confinement food for 28 days = $1,200-$1,800
- Disposables and miscellaneous (diapers, rash cream, extra swaddling blankets, baby shampoo etc) = $????

Have not added in future possible costs like post delivery check ups, paediatrician fees, medical bills, insurance costs etc. Due to confinement and additional occupant, expect your water and electricity bills to spike in the first month.

Edit: Asian babies are more prone to jaundice. For a 3d2n treatment, there are 2 options available. Hospitalization at a private hospital will cost $1,800 whilst rental of the Blilbeds (with UV rays) cost $500.

Side tip: For payment of hospital bill, scheme and use the best credit card that gives you the best rebates/cashback/air miles. The returns may be substantial. Before delivery, ensure your credit card has a high credit limit; else call in to request beforehand.

Side tip 2: Free diaper samples can be requested online!

4. Expect differing opinions, manage expectations

Birth of a newborn - cute as a kitten, tiny as a tinkerbell. Naturally, your parents and in-laws will be super duper excited, especially if it's their first grandchild. What follows is that all of them including yourself will want the best care for the newborn and mommy... with differing views and opinions on carrying a baby, jaundice treatment, type of confinement food, confinement dos and donts... Haha, not to forget your CL will instill her own set of proven practices as well! More often than not, they will be vastly different from the theory you picked up from antenatal lessons you paid a hundred $ for.

I would suggest to be open-minded and adopt a flexible mindset haha... for myself I opt to trust my CL. The less you know, the better haha. It's the CL's rice bowl and she has brought up so many babies as a matter of fact; so even if some practices are not 'by right', they won't be detrimental la... as the hokkien saying goes, lap sap jiak, lak sap tua.

Lastly, manage the expectations of your parents and in-laws, ask for their understanding and trust. That said, you and your siblings were brought up well by your parents anyway; listen to their hand-me-down tips and you may be surprised they can be very valuable!

5. Leave your full time job aside

Refer to point 1. When you are the brains, hands and legs for 3, the last thing you want on your mind is to be bogged down by work emails and calls. Ask your colls for help, delegate tasks. Else, work can always wait. Right?


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Hope you found the above tips handy! =)

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Next post - the arrival of our baby!!