Spot the similarity

Our precious little one - the Welcoming!

It was 1.30am on 12 September 2015 (Saturday morning/Friday night). Wifey was glued to the TV watching the live telecast of the results of GE2015. Results of most GRC/SMC have been announced with clear winners, and perhaps every citizen still awake at this time was impatiently anticipating the results of Aljunied GRC. Sampling hinted that WP edged PAP by only a few % (52% vs 48%). After all the votes were accounted for, the difference between the 2 parties was so small and PAP requested for a recount. I was bored and thought I would turn in, as the results would be all over the press and social media first thing in the morning tomorrow when I wake up. So I said to wifey, "eh, go sleep liao leh, sleep more when we still can!"

Wifey declined as she wasn't sleepy yet (had a nap earlier). So I went to bed first.

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Half awake in my slumber -
/hears wifey switching on the bedroom a/c and closing door

Some time later, wifey's groans woke me up. I glanced at my bedside clock. 5.38am. Wifey was lying on her side, curled up and clutching her tummy, complaining of great pain.

We weren't really shocked and at a loss - as wifey experienced similar pains for the first time, about 2 weeks ago, also in the wee hours. Reading up had helped - during that incident, we timed the duration of the dips in between the pains and felt it resembled Braxton Hicks aka 'false contractions'. So it turned out that the pains diminished after 15 mins and we confirmed it wasn't labour yet, and we returned to sleep.

So on this morning we did the same and timed the contractions. They came every 5 mins. After one cycle dwindled, I advised wifey to change and we'll head to the hospital, to be safe. We grabbed our ready-to-go pre-packed tote bag and made our way to TMC.

Baby was 39 weeks.

Heng ah, it was like 6am of Saturday morning and there were hardly any vehicles on PIE - we reached TMC in no time. I mentioned to the receptionist that wifey was in labour and they brought a wheelchair over.

Wifey was checked in into the observation room, The nurse examined and claimed wifey was 8cm dilated. 8cm? My first thought was - cannot be so fast leh, you don't want us to opt for epidural issit... nurse prepared wifey while I headed to the counter to do registration. It wasn't more than 10 minutes when I returned to the observation ward, and to my surprise the room was empty - wifey had been forwarded to the delivery ward!!!

Her contractions were now more frequent and intensity increased with time. Everytime the pain rose, wifey used the oxygen mask to relieve the pains -well, if it worked somewhat. I could tell the pain was highly unbearable - her body twitched in response to the tightening of muscles. Her hands grabbed the side of the bed so tightly her hands shivered. It may sound exaggerating but the look of desperation resembled a drug addict trying to wean off drug. I felt so helpless? I imagined the most intense pain I had ever in my life and it was when I had food poisoning at Phuket - it was already extremely, extremely painful for me. But I think wifey was going through much much worse, her friend Hannah who delivered recently described the intensity as menstrual pain x 1000 haha. In fact, it was so tormenting Hannah asked her gynae to forget about natural and just carry on with C-sec.

After n torturous contractions, fist clenching and teeth biting, a nurse finally entered. She checked and claimed the dilation was 8.5cm. She then said very calmly to us, "Okay I am going to call the gynae now," and in my mind I was like WHAT, YOU MEAN YOU HAVEN'T WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?!?!

The clock ticked so slowly whenever contractions came. The torment lasted for about a minute each, and there were only about 2 minutes in between during which I egged wifey on mentally and urged wifey to recharge.

It wasn't long before our gynae, Dr Wong HF, stepped in. I tell you, his presence was so welcomed... the feeling is like you are stuck in an stressful meeting with your demanding customers who seem to be holding you at gunpoint when suddenly the meeting room door opens and your boss enters the meeting LIKE A BOSS. You get me?! Haha.

He and the nurses propped up her legs and did further checks. Try pushing, he said. It was to no avail. Dr Wong said the baby has not 'come down' and that she's not ready, yet. The water bag has not burst also.

"Use the contractions pain and push," he advised. "Don't fight the pain and tense your muscles as it will only make you lose energy." Dr Wong proceeded to instruct the nurses to put wifey on 30ml drip. Wiping his hands dry and removing the gown, he continued in a most nonchalant tone, "I'll come back later."

....... ermm we newbies leh what do we do now?

The nurses did not linger in the room and left us to be, I assumed it was because there were two other deliveries happening beside our room at the same time. Just about this time, wifey said to me that she could feel the pushing feeling (is there a term for this?). Okay that's some progress... Alas, the contraction pains increased in intensity and wifey couldn't tahan anymore, said she wants epidural. I encouraged her to go au natural but after the next few contractions and seeing her in such excruciating pain and agony, I gave in.

I asked the nurse to administer epi.

"Sir, she's already 9cm, baby already coming out, epidural may not work," explained the nurse. "Besides, it may take more than 30 mins for the doctor (anaesthetist) to come. If by the time the baby has come out, you still need to pay for it (epi) anyway."

HIIIIIIIIEEEEKKKKKKK, the oxygen mask went along with wifey's deep breathing. Wifey was breathing into it like her life depended on it.

We will pay for it regardless, I iterated to the nurse firmly. The nurse succumbed to our pleas. Just as I thought she would start to prepare the dosage, she handed over a piece of pink paper, "Please read and sign this."

It was an indemnity form.

KNNOMGBBQWTF??!! How in the world do you expect a delivering mother to read logically and understand sensibly and actually HOLD A PEN AND SIGN on top of a line?!

I questioned, "MUST SHE READ THIS?!"

"You can read out to her."

..........

FINE. And so I did. The liabilities and indemnities filled up half an A4 paper. I mumbled through the sentences that can be summarised to "na I tell you first ah these are the possible consequences, if anything happen don't say I never say ah!" I was not sure wifey could even hear me amidst the heavy reverberating of the oxygen mask. I am more convinced she was in no state of mind to listen, let only comprehend.

(afternote: I understand you can sign the indemnity form sooner, like as soon as when you're expecting.)

Before I could finish verbalising the indemnities, suddenly the room door swung open. BOSS stepped in. Yayyyy, give us some good news!!

Hmm Boss not very friendly. He looked more serious than the first time he stepped in. Like THIS MEANS BUSINESS. Washed his hands, donned the surgical apron and gloves. Instructed the nurses.

Try to push, he said.

And so wifey did.

We remembered Wong Boh Boi's prenatal lessons on how to deliver a productive push. Chin to chest, lean slightly forward, husband to support mother's back - this will channel the most energy to the required muscles. No screaming or cursing your husband, she had forewarned. Wifey gave another couple of pushes.

Can see the hair already, one of the nurses gestured. So fast?

Now, the sight of blood does not usually freak me out but before today, I had already prepared myself that during delivery, I will stay beside wifey and will prefer not to view the awakening from Dr's POV. Have heard of a friend who watched in full blossom and another who even video-ed the process of the birth of his son. WHAT THE... So anyway, I imagined my baby's crowning and some hair but I'm fine with where I am, thank you very much haha.

Guiding wifey along with a few more pushes, I was preparing mentally for the Dr or nurses to shout "STOPPP!" During one of the prenatal class, Wong BB made sure to run through this drill a few times to make sure it was instilled in the dads and moms' memory. When you hear the instruction to stop, it will mean that 3/4 of the baby's head has emerged. Immediately, daddy has to remind mommy to change the breathing method from 'deep' to 'shallow' (pant pant pant). A very vital instruction to stop mommy from pushing - it may lead to severe tear of the opening of the orifice (can you tell I'm trying v hard to not sound gross) and the baby will 'fly' out! At this juncture, Dr will have very little time to check if the umbilical cord is in the way of the final push, and act quickly. If not done speedily, it could lead to suffocation.

And so I was waiting for the golden word (STOP) but it never came. Instead, they shouted "wait wait wait". Hmmm... What do I make of this.... But Dr and nurses seemed to suddenly focus on doing something down there so I tapped wifey, "okay, pant pant pant." Wifey followed - not sure it was because she heard me or because she was tired from the previous pushes, haha.

I think I was right - wait wait wait was the golden instruction. Dr said calmly (gosh how they manage to stay so calm) that baby must not stay in this position for too long, push again. Thus, I supported wifey's back and guided her to push again. Two pushes later, Dr stood up and placed a soiled, squealing being on wifey's stomach.

I WOULD NEVER EVER FORGET THIS SIGHT. Awww little baby! She was small. Had some hair on her head. Big eyes. Little one was wailing in cutesy gasps, finding herself foreign, unfamiliar and insecure. Her head was surprisingly tilted upwards, in the direction of mommy. Her big eyes were fixated intently on mommy, seeming to express "hello mommy, I'm out!" =)

I teared. Won't deny that this was a most touching sight - my feelings were a saturation of overjoy, ecstacy, gratification and relief! =)))) I hugged wifey, who looked super exhausted now. Look at baby, she's looking at you! Wifey mustered a smile and said she was so spent, she couldn't even move her neck. You've done so well! =)

Dr motioned for me to cut the umbilical cord. I took over the scissors and snipped it. It took just one second and I backed off nervously. Sorry, not interested to observe what will be done next and after, haha...

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Still crying in cute short gasps, little one was picked up by the nurse and carried over to a preparation pad. It had a heating element hanging overhead and a real-time body temperature monitoring system.

The nurse cleaned baby up while I snapped many photos of this amazing creature lying in front of me, its eyes squinted and moving its limbs curiously. It was a peculiar feeling - she felt unfamiliar yet familiar at the same time. 9 months of talking to her through a round tummy and out of a sudden, 2D ultrasound printouts are transformed into a wailing, heart-beating, limbs-extending baby!

Amazing, amazed, amazement!!!

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Wifey was admitted 6.30am and successfully delivered baby two hours later. Compared to most first timers (Joanne Peh had a 16 hour labour, for the record), wifey's ordeal is considered damn fast. What could have contributed to the quick delivery?

Wifey's pregnancy regime:
- Fortnightly swim
- Young coconut juice every 3 days during the last trimester
- 3 squats on the eve

Well, nothing extraordinary... perhaps we were blessed :)

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By default, our next two nights were spent in TMC. We opted for a single bed room to enjoy the privacy and also because I could spend the night there too. The room was well furbished and comfortable; meals were delectable and variety of TV programmes were more than sufficient to keep us occupied. But I have to save the best praises for the team of nurses at TMC who were patient, polite and served us with genuine care and provided us newbies much needed advice on newborn care. To name a few who deserve a huge pat on their back:

- Elle (staff nurse at delivery ward)
- Yusia
- Carol
- Stella

Thank you so much!

=)

Here's baby at day 3, in her bedroom where she'll  ive strong, grow healthy and share happy memories for a long time :)

a 4-day old new dad

At T-1 week:

• Prepping the nursery - tick
• Attending theory and practical lessons - tick
• Reading up the generous sharings by interest groups - tick
• Buying waterproof cot protector, bath tub, miscellaneous items - tick
• Booking confinement nanny and 'jamu' masseur - tick

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Then baby arrived! 

Hi mommy, I feel clean now after changing nappy, hehe

Prior, we thought we were ready and just playing the waiting game. But when baby is finally in our arms... we felt so helpless! Unfamiliar with how to handle/carry a newborn - how to change diapers - how to swaddle - how to latch on - the list goes on. It feels as if you have studied all the theory but suddenly when you find yourself needing to hands-on in a chemistry lab - and the theory comes to naught. Fortunately, TMC offers really great service and child care. The newborns are placed in a nursery where general care and injections are given, and they are brought over to their mommies every 3 hours for feeding. When you are done, just press the red button and the nurse will return the newborns to the nursery. No worries about shower, dirty nappy or crying baby! XD

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We stayed in hospital for 2 nights. Meals were served. Bedsheets were changed. Bathroom was cleaned. Heck, there was even HBO HD on TV. I joked that actually the stay feels like a staycation! However on the day of discharge, we felt like we were thrown into the ocean to survive by ourselves. Who's gonna change dirty nappies? Shower her? Coax crying baby? Do we figure out bf all by ourselves? 

Fortunately, we had hired a CL. She was of such great help we felt baby will be in very good hands. PHEW~~ we need more transition time, less steep learning curve.

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Friends who advise you to attend all the lessons on prenatal, delivery and childcare you can. However, I feel that the majority of the content focuses on what the mother should do, what to expect, how to care for the kid. The education lacks emphasis on the other parent aka dad... here are my humble Paternal tips, from a 4-day old new dad:

1. Be a pillar of strength for your wife, both physically and mentally

Your wife is extremely exhausted. Immensely. Imagine being in labour for so long and going through all the torment and excruciating pain for HOURS? After delivery, she needs to minimize activity and rest in bed. Feeding baby every 3 hours (if on bf) is definitely be physically taxing and draining for her. Undesired post-natal blues may kick in and add on to mommy's stress and depression. 

During this time, as a new dad you need to be the brains, hands and legs for 3. 

Think of what you need to do and plan ahead, so you don't get flustered when things happen. Be a SNAG. Be sensitive and provide emotional support towards your wife. She will be struggling with latching, and may even find routine tasks like walking and bowel movements challenging. Assure she is doing great job, hug her often, offer to run errands. Be a pillar of support so your wife knows you are reliable and can be counted on. Offer her massages for her shoulders and arms and she will appreciate you more :)

So, keep yourself healthy and fit. I took Vit C supplements almost daily for the last 6 months and I must say the immunity boost really helped.

WARNING: Do not comment negatively on your wife's physical appearance/figure or how haggard she may look.

2. Book CL and Jamu masseur early

Side tip - know your acronyms and technical jargons =)

CL - Confinement Lady
Jamu - Traditional Malay massage (said to help mom detox and regain figure)
LC - Lactation Consultant
Bf - Breastfeed
EDD - Expected Delivery Date
Episiotomy, epidural, mucus plug, colostrum, etc etc.

Please, please book your CL and jamu early. That's of course if you have decided on hiring their services. I booked my CL about 6 months in advance and jamu about 3. You may book the latter later as jamu typically lasts for 7-10 days and hence the availability of jamu may be more flexible.

CL

I am all hands up for getting a CL. A full time CL. If your mom or in-law wants to help, make sure they are full time and not part time basis. Reason is because as new parents, you have a very steep learning curve and you definitely need a lao jiao to hands on.

You can opt for word of mouth, friend recommendations or forums; or if you are more kiasee, you can always go for more professional and credible CL via establishments and agencies like Thomson Medical and PEM. Freelancers are more affordable (based on 3 quotations for 2015, it is $2,500 for 28 days). Most are Malaysian aunties in their 40s or 50s.

How to decide whether the CL is for you:

- What is included in their scope of work? Does she do night feed, cooking for dad included, washing of whose clothes? Better ones are those who will sleep with baby in the same room and only brings baby to mommy if baby is hungry.
- Pro bf or pro formula? If you decide to bf, you may not like it if CL keeps discouraging you against it.
- Years of experience
- Converse over the phone with her. Like an interview, you can get quite a good sense of the person when you are in a conversation with her. Of course, do an online search to look out for other's opinions, past history and whether the CL has any quirks or habits.

Side tips:
- Once you confirm with the CL, she may ask for a 20% deposit. If you don't, they are likely to take up another sincere offer - you will then have to face a last minute rush to engage another CL
- Bet you didn't know - a Work Permit is required to engage the services of a CL. Apply for one via MOM website (pre-requisites apply).
- Take note that Malaysians are not allowed to stay for extended periods in Sg. They have a 60/90 day rule which states they must be in M'sia for not less than 1 month within a 3-month period (please correct me if I am wrong). This may disrupt their schedule. Clarify with them when it is nearer your baby's EDD so you avoid any inconvenience (bet you didn't know v.2).

Jamu masseur

The malay lady will do a house vist and massage mommy's tummy area with medicine/herbs. Each session is about an hour to an hour half. Thereafter, mommy will be wrapped up tightly in an oily film, and is expected to wear it for an extended duration (e.g. half a day?). The tightness is said to help the womb recover, for the body to absorb the herbs and firm up the tummy area. Medical professionals advise that jamu is not necessary but if you do, only engage reliable masseurs. And heed that their medicine are not clinically proven and must not be ingested.

I engaged mine via my friend's, JX, recommendation. That JX has regained her figure quite quickly is the best living testimony!

3. Be prepared to spend - more than you expect

As soon as you are planning for a baby, you may begin researching for recommended gynae, hospital charges, room rates and doctor's fees. The comparison of every G and private hospitals can be readily found online. Undoubtedly, G is more affordable but the belief is that private doctors offer more personalized and professional help. As a guide, for natural birth and default two-night stay at TMC, our bill amounted to about $6k+. Epidural will cost about $800 more. Fortunately, you may use Medisave to reduce the total bill by up to $2k.

A list of the huge ticket items:
- Hospital bill = $7,000 (before Medisave of $2k) (may go up to $10-$12k if Caesarean delivery is required)
- CL = $2,500
- Jamu = $500-$700
- Stroller = $200-$400
- Car baby seat = $100-$200
- Baby cot = $400
- Breast pump, sterilizer, milk bottles etc = $350
- Confinement food for 28 days = $1,200-$1,800
- Disposables and miscellaneous (diapers, rash cream, extra swaddling blankets, baby shampoo etc) = $????

Have not added in future possible costs like post delivery check ups, paediatrician fees, medical bills, insurance costs etc. Due to confinement and additional occupant, expect your water and electricity bills to spike in the first month.

Edit: Asian babies are more prone to jaundice. For a 3d2n treatment, there are 2 options available. Hospitalization at a private hospital will cost $1,800 whilst rental of the Blilbeds (with UV rays) cost $500.

Side tip: For payment of hospital bill, scheme and use the best credit card that gives you the best rebates/cashback/air miles. The returns may be substantial. Before delivery, ensure your credit card has a high credit limit; else call in to request beforehand.

Side tip 2: Free diaper samples can be requested online!

4. Expect differing opinions, manage expectations

Birth of a newborn - cute as a kitten, tiny as a tinkerbell. Naturally, your parents and in-laws will be super duper excited, especially if it's their first grandchild. What follows is that all of them including yourself will want the best care for the newborn and mommy... with differing views and opinions on carrying a baby, jaundice treatment, type of confinement food, confinement dos and donts... Haha, not to forget your CL will instill her own set of proven practices as well! More often than not, they will be vastly different from the theory you picked up from antenatal lessons you paid a hundred $ for.

I would suggest to be open-minded and adopt a flexible mindset haha... for myself I opt to trust my CL. The less you know, the better haha. It's the CL's rice bowl and she has brought up so many babies as a matter of fact; so even if some practices are not 'by right', they won't be detrimental la... as the hokkien saying goes, lap sap jiak, lak sap tua.

Lastly, manage the expectations of your parents and in-laws, ask for their understanding and trust. That said, you and your siblings were brought up well by your parents anyway; listen to their hand-me-down tips and you may be surprised they can be very valuable!

5. Leave your full time job aside

Refer to point 1. When you are the brains, hands and legs for 3, the last thing you want on your mind is to be bogged down by work emails and calls. Ask your colls for help, delegate tasks. Else, work can always wait. Right?


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Hope you found the above tips handy! =)

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Next post - the arrival of our baby!!

Tips on giving appraisal

Tips on giving appraisal

• Establish an informal, unhurried atmosphere
• Praise and encourage
• Probe and listen
• Give time to talk
• Focus on performance, not personality
• Use positive language
• Encourage self appraisal
• No surprises
• Structure the interview

o   Rapport building

o   Opening the discussion

o   Performance areas

o   Themes and conclusions

o   Training/development

o   Actions

o   Is the appraise satisfied

o   Focus on the facts

• Agree measurable target
• Set review dates