Qing Ming and visiting Grandma

It's been more than a decade since I last paid respects to my ancestors during Qing Ming, and thought of paying Grandma a visit too, so I took a day's leave and unknowingly spent a pleasant 14 hours with my parents.

We set off at 5.30am from Tampines and reached Rengam in record time at ~7.20am?? There was no jam whatsoever at both sides of the causeway and it was a fantastically smooth drive. Rengam was, as I fondly remember of my parents' hometown, beautifully calm, serene and peaceful. We had breakfast at uncle's home while catching up with one another on the usual topics hovering around holidays recent and near-future, food  (OF COURSE) and status of old friends and neighbours. It was very entertaining listening and observing their banter and harmless mockery, haha. We set off for the cemetery at 9am. 

Qing Ming:

Was I rather surprised the offerings had watered down substantially... in my recollection there would be many bags comprising a whole chicken/duck and roast pork, steamed buns, fruits, rice and kueh and 3D model of a house / car. Today there was only fruits and wine and incense papers and joss sticks. What was once soil and gravel that made the path leading into the cemetery has been replaced with tarmac (done in 2024 according to my uncle); the antenna tower that I recounted as a landmark for my great-grandparents' graves had been demolished a few years ago.

First stop - my paternal great grandparents. The siblings and everyone chipped in with the set up and burning of offerings.

A few contributed eye power, a few continued to talk about their holidays and how easy Google maps has made navigation overseas. We learnt my great-grans passed away in 1947 and 1948 so none of them had seen their grandparents before.

Weather was brilliant and kind on us. Second stop - my paternal grandfather.

No pictures at 3rd and last stop which were graves of my grand-uncle and uncle (who passed away when he was 3yo due to sickness, he was 3 years older than Auntie Wai Pang). 

After shower and more chatting, as per customs all of us had a sit down lunch together, this time at Ocean restoran at Simpang Rengam.

Visiting Grandma:

😢 Poor grandma must be feeling so ill and weak and lonely :( She looks vastly different from barely a month ago when we visited her at the senior care centre. So grandma had low BP last Thurs and was admitted to hospital. From what uncle and auntie updated, grandma had blood transfusion and received injections thereafter to relieve her pain. She's been sleeping alot and speaking illogically. Today, Grandma couldn't quite recognise us and even retorted "我不相信！“ to my dad when he introduced himself. She questioned where and why she was at the hospital. Though she could speak and also asked if I took leave today, grandma was visibly weak and didn't budge her body except for her straining of neck when speaking and tapping of her right hand on the bed. :( I can't be sure whether her weakness was due to the medication or due to her liquid diet (grandma can't eat lately) but the sight of her current state is certainly very depressing... :(😭 I felt extremely helpless and a cruel sense of relief when the security officer chased us away as visiting hours was up... 

Errands in Kluang:

We spent the rest of the day leisurely as my parents and I don't have anything planned. Today my parents gave me the feeling they were very relaxed, which is atypical of them when they're back home. We circled twice in search of a bicycle shop (which wasnt open), detoured to Botak Laksa (which my dad ate at when he was in sec sch), shopped at a supermarket, sat down for a drink at Old Town coffee, and stopped by to get eggs from a wholesaler. 

Finally, we returned to Rengam for a short rest and left for JB. Dinner was at 千里香 which specialises in Hakka cuisine. The hakka ytf and pork soup were delightful and we ordered seconds!

After the satisfying dinner, we returned to SG. There was no jam at causeway on both sides at 7:50pm!

I had a wonderful time with my parents and relatives. It's been a few years since I've been in their company as a group, and I am glad nothing has changed. As for grandma, NGL we are not optimistic of her condition and I only wish and pray for her suffering to be alleviated.

7 Letters & Qing Ming

Thanks to my colleague Guo Jun, wifey and I were honoured to be audience of the premiere screening of ‘7 Letters’, an anthology of 7 short films, features 7 of Singapore’s most acclaimed directors Boo Junfeng, Eric Khoo, K Rajagopal, Jack Neo, Tan Pin Pin, Royston Tan, and Kelvin Tong. The films revolve around the theme of “Home” and what “Home” means to each director as they interpret it in their individual stories. 7 letters is the first film to open at the newly refurbished Capitol Theatre. It was to be our virgin steps into the building too.

(you can read more about the individual films here: https://sg.news.yahoo.com/7-letters-most-visual-gift-030152258.html)

I love that immediately after you walk in from the main entrance of the building, you find yourself in a huge, high ceiling atrium that is well lit and ventilated. Atas restaurants and cafes are the only retail choices. Amidst the bright LED lights and fanciful deco stands the beautiful entrance of the theatre – with a porch, neon signboard and interior lit by warm yellow hue – reminds me of the many theatre entrances we came across in London.

We were ushered to the top tier and were pleasantly surprised by the architecture of the theatre. Majestic white horses lined both high walls and a well carved dome with cove lighting capped the roof. Though the Capitol Theatre is operated by Golden Village, this theatre was set up more like one befitting of musicals and plays, much to our awe and comfort.

The last film titled "GPS" directed by Kelvin Tong, is a heart wrenching story depicting a modern day family travelling to the cemetery to pay respects during the Qing Ming festival. This story resonated most with me as I could relate closely to my personal experiences...

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My paternal relatives usually pay our annual Qing Ming respects in late March or early April. We will drive up to Grandma’s house at Rengam and have a hearty breakfast together – mom would contribute home-made cake/bread/yam cake whilst my youngest uncle will bring big bao. He would also pack roast pork or duck that will be offered to our ancestors later. After breakfast and armed with huge straw hats and umbrellas (hmm why have we never needed mosquito repellent?), we will embark on a 15-20 minutes’ walk to the top of the hill where the graves serenely lie. Qing Ming is a more enjoyable occasion if more cousins come along, as there will be more laughter and conversations and the chores can be better shared.

The cemetery is relatively untouched and isn't a well maintained one – the entrance is a narrow sandy road shared by pedestrians and cars and motorcycles. There is no tarmac to walk on, no amenities nor information counter. My younger Uncle will pay a token to the ‘caretaker’ of the cemetery (who sits in a makeshift shelter by the way) as a formality. From there, it is about 5-8 mins of walking along the aisle of the tombs, negotiating the path littered with stones, gravel and semi-decayed branches, to our first stop – the graves of our paternal great grandparents.

This is no columbarium; it is a cemetery of graves that has stood and weathered many decades. There are no conspicuous landmarks or locality map that leads us or shows us the exact location. “Walk straight to that tree”, as the grandma directed in Kelvin Tong’s film “GPS”, is a similar instruction we take heed. There aren’t many trees anyway – however I am not able to describe the tree too – I can only point it out to you when I am physically standing there haha. For myself, I confirm the location with the bearing of the satellite tower to my right. Triple confirm it with the names scribed onto the tombstones. Hello, my great grandparents.

My great grandparents originated from shui kou (水口) village, He Shan (鹤山) city, Guangdong Province, China. They moved to Malaya permanently and settled down in Rengam in 1938. Great grandfather passed away at 58 years old and his partner at 52.

The rituals we would perform (the same for every grave) are:

i)              Light candles for 土地公 aka the Earth God – to thank him for taking good care of the land, literally

ii)             Lay out the food and wine for ancestors

iii)            Light big candles x 2 and place them in the pit.

iv)           Light joss sticks. Place x3 in the pit and the remaining sparingly around the perimeter of the grave

v)            Burn offerings

vi)           Wait for offerings to completely burn (a symbolic representation that ancestors have ‘received’ the gifts and are ‘done with the food’)

vii)          Pay respects and say our prayers

viii)         Pour the wine onto the ground

ix)           Pack up and done

The above rituals may not be most traditional and done correctly and admittedly, have watered down over the decades. I recall that the offerings used to be more generous in size, like big structural bungalows (never seen the usual suspects e.g. Mercedes cars and maids in pony-tail, though). There was a bigger variety of food and also more types and colours of papers to be burnt. Well, I can give two easy explanations for the apparent simplicity it has become now – one is that sincerity counts more and the other, technology has since advanced to internet and soft-copies, hahaha...

After paying respects to my great grandparents, we would continue to my paternal grandfather’s grave. Again, there are no map or directional signs. I only know it is a downhill walk, past the road, downhill again and slightly to the left? Need to follow my uncle for this… Once we reach my grandfather’s tomb, one will immediately notice its black polished tombstone (is it marble?) and tiled flooring. The tomb looks slightly classier as compared to its neighbours, probably because my grandfather was a well-to-do businessman.

/performs rituals as above

I have vague memory of my grandfather as he passed on when I was 3+ years old. Testimonials from my parents and uncles confirmed that he was a very stern and strict disciplinarian with a high sense of responsibility. Born in 1921, my grandfather is the eldest of 6 siblings. Not only did he take the role of provider after both parents had passed away, he coached his children in their studies. Auntie WP boasted that all of them topped their level at least once in their primary school. My grandfather had astute foresight as well – recognising that a convenience store in a small town draws in limited profits, he made a daring switch to agriculture. He laboured for several years in his acres of rubber plantation before his venture finally bore fruit. Owing to grandfather’s toil and hardwork, my dad and his siblings benefited from the better quality of life and opportunities for higher education. Alas, grandfather was a heavy smoker and succumbed to lung cancer at 67 years old.

After we finish paying respects to grandfather, the rest of us will head uphill to my uncle’s grave whilst my mom will detour to pay respects to my maternal grandparents. My deceased uncle passed away at a very, very young age (can’t remember exactly… younger than 5?) and interestingly at his grave, the usual offerings of roast chicken and wine are substituted with colourful biscuits and titbits. 

When all is done, we double up home before the midday sun strikes. Cold drinks and sweet juicy watermelon are very welcomed as we take turns to shower. All of us will then enjoy a satiable lunch at a comfortable restaurant, catching up, sharing stories and laughter.

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I appreciate Chinese traditions like Qing Ming festival thus Kelvin Tong’s film struck a chord in me. In addition to respecting religious customs, his film serves as a reminder to appreciate the presence of our family members amidst our busy schedule… every week a family goes through a repeat of appointments – parents need to work while children attend school and swimming/CCA lessons and meet friends – when we finally gather, even if it’s a half-day affair of visiting the cemetery, do cherish the time together!

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Ending this post with a picture with Royston Tan, the man behind 7 letters! On the left is Boo Junfeng. Good thing we were dressed appropriately for the event...