Troubled

Feeling troubled lately.

Everyday I find myself looking forward to the night cos that's when I can watch TV and maybe down a beer. I ask myself what could be the reason(s) behind me feeling troubled and downcast. Me and my family, we're great; covid restrictions have relaxed to near normalcy; weekly Sat futsal sessions have resumed - so, what???

Work. Phase 1 is delay after delay and the ship is sinking with every week. Phase 2 gateways are not cleared, we have somewhat initiated the process but it will be MIGHTY challenging to clear the dpc gateway, not to mention the ongoing redesign and consultant's claim issues to resolve. The above are no problems if the project has more time; but binded by 2026 we are and that's what worries me. Me and my project mate know the delay is inevitable and whatever we have to do now we do our best, but the situation feels like water is rushing into our boat whereas we're scooping water out using only our hands. So everyday at work I keep asking myself whether I am doing what I need to do and also, whether I can do more. Furthermore, I don't really have a great working r/s with my co worker, she is a highly efficient and responsible worker but we don't really click well plus she is very direct in her comments, I find myself choosing the words /tone I use when communicating to her and also having to justify some decisions I make. 

At home, I'm really thankful and grateful for my supportive family especially wifey who loves our kids and cares for them wholeheartedly full time so I can focus on my work! On the other hand, I feel nagging stress to turn up at my parents' for dinner on time becos mom recently commented and I'm trying to fulfill that out of respect and politeness. Despite my mom's outpouring love for her grandkids she can have an unpredictable temperament at times so I have to admit I feel stressed balancing her request with wifey's preference for a leisurely stroll. 

I love my kids and it's such a privilege to watch them interact and learn and play. I apologize in advance if I allow work emotions to get the better of me after work hours. 

For now I really enjoy futsal because it's an activity I can free my mind with the above issues.